Febuary is an interesting month. It is the shortest by all standards, but jam packed with events both in holiday form and personal history. 

Is it bad that I don't remember exact dates? I mean I just don't, unless it's just huge. I remember, "oh that was winter of sophmore year", but not yeah june 20th 2007 (that one I do :)) but idk should I try to? hmm... I just don't know

Alot has changed, but alot hasn't. I'm still me, I don't regret my decisions. I enjoy life alot more than I used to, but I don't feel as much deep connection with others. I thinkk this is because I've become content with my relationships with peopl that I know. I know their flaws, their issues and I don't seem to want much more. I wish I had that BFF or that person you always go to that isn't your significant other.

I'm so burnt out on school and band. I'll make it to the end of the school year, I just hope I don't ruin all of the work I've put into highschool and band. 

I might have some solo's for issma state quals. I've never had one before and they are alittle out of range, so that should be fun.

While most of the world has given up on live journal. I am coming back to it. those other sites have their perks, but they are filled with superficial friends and people who have nothing better to do but to tell the world what I posted. LJ appears to now have a better crowd. 

The winter always seems kind of down. It's cold outside, I don't get much exercise, everyone is sick, and everyone seems rather bitchy. That last one might just be the people. You try and be nice and it comes back in your face. Some people don't get it I guess. Life seems so surface right now. I don't know how much effort to put into particular friendships, knowing that in 7 months I will probably forget about them unless brought up in a conversation. I fear that I will be easily replaced in every aspect and I'll be that guy that comes back from college and everyone goes hey there's so and so oh well, and goes about their day. I feel like I have little going for me at the moment, but that I will go much farther than others in the future. but really how far you go in life is based on perspective. the mechanic who finally got his own shop and did decently for himself will say he went far, but the big shot banker who comes in for a tire rotation will think, "I am so much better than him, I he needs to get this done I have stuff to do." So maybe life is all about perspective. In that case a positive outlook will go a far way, so that is what I'll keep. 

I have found myself few people I can actually talk to about things. No one around me can keep their mouth shut. I have a problem telling Sarah that. How horrible is it to tell someone that, duh you can't tell your best friend that she'll blab it all over the place" I have come to terms to the fact that I shouldn't trust people and I'm pretty good at calling out whether or not you should early in a relationship. That is why I'm reserved actually giving out details. B/c I can't trust my own friends not to tell people why should a trust an unclose friend. Is that right?

The next couple of months are going to be a real challenge. I'm going to have a large homework load, coupled with 2 ap tests. I have indoor which takes up 3 afternoons a week + saturdays + 2 weekends that it will take up sat. and sun. + a thur-sat contest that will eat class time, free time, and my chance to go to prom. Yes I know prom is lame but still it goes in the list. Then once that is over in the past we would have had a break, but Mr. A took care of that with atleast 2 more Saturdays being eaten up after that. Where am I going to find time to relax, time to have fun, time to do something I'll remember for the rest of my life.

This summer I need to do something awesome. I'm going on a cruise that will be fun. I might get to go to Australia, if that happens I'm going to be extatic. My other plans include a part time job somewhere hopefully a pharmacy or somewhere fun and getting in shape. The more in shape I am going in to college the more apt I am to stay that way. 

Those are my thoughts for the day.

Why not. I think the people who I want to see this still use this, so we'll see. 

I'm alittle lost
I'm alot scared
I've never been truely scared in my life

The future, mostly the next year seams overwelming. My last shows, My last classes, My list highschool memories, It'll all go by so fast.

"Love is what i got i got i got"

p.s. if you still check lj hit me up with a comment.